Finding comfort through holiday grief: 5 ways to care for yourself this season

The holidays can be an especially heavy time when you’re navigating loss. Even though the season is meant to sparkle with cheer, for those experiencing grief, whether from the loss of a loved one, a major change in life or simply feeling disconnected, this time of year can trigger deep emotions. The gap between what the holidays are supposed to feel like and what you’re actually feeling can be overwhelming.

Whether you’re confronting Thanksgiving grief, enduring Christmas grief or seeking ways of remembering loved ones during the holiday season, you aren’t alone. You can find comfort knowing that there is care, support and helpful strategies to guide you through holiday grief.

Why the holidays often amplify grief

The holiday season, with its traditions, gatherings and heightened expectations, can spotlight what’s missing. It may feel like everyone else is merrily wrapping presents, sharing laughter and gathering around the table, while you carry a quieter burden. That disparity between what you feel and what you’re “supposed” to feel can make grief feel just that more intense.

Loss changes the landscape of the season for many people. It might be the absence of someone who once laughed at your table, the missing presence in a photo, an empty chair at the Thanksgiving table, seeing a loved one’s handwriting on a recipe card or a shift in long-time traditions. Recognizing that the holidays may bring more than nostalgia is the first step toward making space for healing.

The importance of self-care when holiday grief feels stronger than holiday cheer

In a season built around giving to others, it’s easy to overlook the one person who may need care the most: you. While decorating, hosting, cooking and traveling take center stage, prioritizing your own emotional and physical well-being can easily slip under the radar. 

Taking care of yourself isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a necessary part of navigating this time with compassion and resilience. Research shows that many of us feel the weight of loss during this period. One survey found that more than one-third of US adults reported they didn’t feel like celebrating the holidays because of feelings of grief or loss.

Trying to live up to holiday expectations while grieving can be exhausting. Give yourself permission to take things slowly and care for your heart in small, gentle ways.

Five compassionate ways to cope with holiday grief

Navigating holiday grief, or grief in general, isn’t about “getting over” the loss. It’s more about being with your grief, honoring your experience and creating a path through the season and beyond that is meaningful to you.

Here are five thoughtful strategies to help you navigate holiday grief: 

1. Honor your feelings

Let yourself feel what you feel. You may experience waves of sadness, anger, emptiness, or even relief, and all of these are valid. Rather than pushing feelings away because “it’s the holidays,” try saying to yourself, “I’m experiencing grief right now, and that’s okay.” 

2. Communicate your needs and boundaries

With gatherings, parties and family traditions on the calendar, it’s easy to say yes when you’d rather say no. You don’t have to attend every meal, every event or replicate every custom you once did. If Thanksgiving grief makes the big family feast too heavy this year, perhaps you attend for only part of it or consider creating a smaller, quieter version. Let those close to you know you may need to step away, take a breath or simply opt out altogether. Setting boundaries for yourself isn’t being difficult, it’s protecting your well-being. 

3. Create meaningful remembrance practices

When you’re dealing with Christmas grief, for example, or choosing to engage in grieving or remembering loved ones during the holidays, it can help to intentionally build in a moment of remembrance. This could be lighting a candle and naming someone you’ve lost, placing a special ornament on the tree in their memory, writing a letter to them or simply sharing a story at your gathering. This kind of acknowledgment helps you bridge the gap between the past and the present. You’re not erasing the loss, but instead allowing the memory to live on in some visible way.

4. Adapt or introduce new traditions

The things you once did may feel different. If certain holiday traditions now feel hollow or too painful, shift them. Maybe you skip the big shopping spree and choose a quiet outing instead. Consider volunteering or serving a cause in honor of someone you lost. By deliberately crafting new traditions that reflect your changed life, you are meaningfully engaging with the season without forcing yourself into a mold that no longer fits. 

5. Prioritize gentle self-care and reach out for connection

Carve out time for yourself to rest, walk in nature, journal your emotions, listen to music that resonates, or just take a deep, cleansing breath. If you feel isolated in your grief, tell a trusted friend, family member or your doctor how you’re doing. Consider connecting with a grief support group or a professional, especially if you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling intensely overwhelmed or withdrawing. Remember, compassionate self-care doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human.

Moving toward healing in this season of holiday grief

This season can still hold meaning, even if it doesn’t feel as joyful in the way it once did. You can create a version that honors both loss and living. It might be quieter. It might look different. It still matters.

If you find that your sadness is persistent, you’re finding it difficult to function or you’re wondering how to manage your grief this holiday more deeply, please consider reaching out for support from a mental health professional.

May you find gentleness, meaning and connection this season. You are not forgotten, and neither is the person you’re remembering or the loss you're feeling.

If you're experiencing grief this holiday season, support is out there. Find mental health services near you.